Am I a Sick Girl?
[!picserve:48!]
I think I am, because there are times when I want someone who has the power to completely destroy me if he wished, someone who will pull me up but my throat, sink his teeth into my nipple and with blood stained lips, forcefully snarl a demonic “I love you” into my ears. Sometimes I imagine the Sadist “hunting” me as he said he would and tearing my body apart until I am nothing but brittle bone and drying flesh.
These feelings are coupled with days where my body feels like a strange prison, when I want to hide from the people around me, and my stomach feels empty and hollow no matter how much I fill it.
It is at times like these, when I feel that hellish fire screech alive inside me, that I thank whatever being out there who brought me my Lover, because if I had not been chosen by him, I would belong to someone who would be more than willing to bring to life these dark ugly thoughts of mine.
His bed, for now, is the only safe haven I know.
Take care of the ones you love, sleep well lovers. ~.*
Though I only know you through this web site; and only for the couple of days since first reading it - I can still say with some confidence that no, you’re not a sick girl, not in the least. In fact, you seem more sane, healthy and intelligent than most :)
I think everyone has dark fantasies - those privatest of private thoughts that we dare not to admit to anyone we like.
Pursuing them in a reckless and risky way would certainly be sick, as would seeking to bury, repress, and deny them entirely. The healthiest answer is exactly the one it seems you’re pursuing - a safe, sane, balanced exploration of these desires with someone we can know and trust.
It does sound like you have a lot to be grateful for from your Lover; but it also sounds like you deserve a lot of personal credit as well.
Just my two cents, of course :)
Thanks Eric! :-*