Naked Soul

You are perfect just as you are (letter to15yr old me)

Dear Courageous Beautiful Visionary

I have finally summoned up the strength to write to you. I’ve hesitated for so long to speak to you and to even look at you because I feared something that I did not understand.
I know that you don’t consider beauty your defining factor because in your world beauty is based on straight hair and thin structures. You are voluptuous and your hair is resistant to chemical straightening. You are perfect in your curves, brown skin and coarse hair. You are Imago Dei; the image of God. You were created perfect in every way by a God whose works are perfect because this God does not make mistakes. You may not know it yet but you are courageous, you do things that I would not attempt at this stage. You speak fearlessly for yourself and for others, something you now need to teach me. You may not understand the term yet but you are a visionary; and as you grow you will begin to learn this. That courage of yours needs to come out so that you can act on those visions and make them a reality.

It’s going to take you a while but eventually you will embrace your external and internal beauty. You will understand your uniqueness. This will be your greatest strength. However, before you reach this point you are going to go through a lot. When self-judgement begins on what you are supposed to look like and external influences heighten, I wish you would not conform but it is only after going through the fire that gold can be shaped. When the inner person goes silent even when there is a need to be vocal, I hope you find the strength to get through it. There is nothing in the world that you can avoid but hopefully you will find a lesson in everything that comes your way in this regard. I can promise you that the woman you are to become understands her beauty, voice, strength and uniqueness; so, do not fear.

I read an article you wrote in the third grade recently; amazing that it exists still since it’s now over twenty years old although for you it was just seven years ago when you wrote it. I am not certain that I possess all the qualities that you mention in it and I can not promise you that I am any closer to becoming a Mother Teresa of my time as you at that time had envisioned. I can not promise you that the conduct, strength and beauty you saw in Princess Diana are a part of who I have become. I can not also promise you that I possess the traits of the Covenant Nun which you have recently expressed the need to become. But, I can promise you that your choice in role models is a sign of something far greater; it is one of the early signs that you sense a call over your life. Many of the things you have done and said by now are map coordinates on a path you are yet to realize. You have nothing to fear Emmanuelle, God is with you and God will not leave your side until God’s promise over your life has been fulfilled; even after that God shall remain your God and You shall remain God’s daughter.

My dear tomboy, there is nothing wrong with you. There are going to come times in life when you need to be as strong and as stubborn as a hardheaded man. There are also going to come times when you have to be gentle and loving as a woman. You are perfect just as you are. Keep climbing trees, keep on doing all that is not considered feminine and embrace your masculinity. There shall come a time when the result of this perfect balance is a strong beautiful fearless woman. You are doing okay my dear. Don’t let anyone derail you from your path. But I must caution you: don’t let your ambitions stop you from living. Be happy, take each moment as it comes, plan for tomorrow but don’t stress about it. Do your best and the rest will fall into place. I am sorry that I couldn’t protect you from what you’ve already gone though by now and you may not understand this but you needed to go through these things so that you can grow through them. In five years from now you will fully understand this. Your strength is going to carry you further as it has already allowed you to come this far. Hang in in there my girl; what is coming next requires you to hold on. Hold on to your strengths, hold on to your gentleness and hold on to God. Storms are yet to come but they too shall pass. You won’t come out of them the same but the change can have positive effects. You will be fine my girl. You will be fine my sweet tomboy.

Beautiful brown girl you are loved. Never doubt that. Live. Love. Play. Hug. Smile. Laugh. When things get rough; stand. Be strong. Be open to help. Cry out if necessary and help will come. Your tears are not a sign of weakness, they just prove you to be human enough to feel and experience pain. Tears won’t only come in moments of despair, some days it will be tears of joy. You don’t always have to show a brave face. Smile, let your face shine; be joyous. Let your light shine, don’t kill it and don’t let anyone kill it.

Sweet darling, you are never alone. Through it all I am with you.

Live my angel, don’t exist.


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