Think about it

Will it ever heal?

I have looked at my scars and said “wow, that healed well.” I’m forever fascinated by how exceptionally well the human body can recover from being cut or even torn severely by one external force or another. Some times you see by the different pigmentation on a person’s skin that something injured them once. You see by the shape or the size of the light faded scar or differently formed new skin how deep the cut or the tear was.

I have a burn scar on my left hand from when I was about 6, the skin is slightly darker and draws a tiny cirlce. On my right hand I have a bump which was formed as I healed from a splinter that pierced me and wasn’t all removed because I would not allow anyone to touch me, it was too painful to a 13year old. On one of my left calf I have a slight ridge, if I can call it that, it was a bicycle injury that 11year old me had. The cut was deep as some sharp metal pierced me open when I fell from my bike. All these scars came with a very painful sensation that lasted for days on end and weeks for other scars which I may or may not have. I was a serious tomboy; so you can imagine climbing trees and all sorts of things that can scar a child. The scars were painful when they occured, they took time to heal and they changed the appearance of my skin. I remember these moments because most of my scars came with a lesson; some even helped me build character. When I fell off my bike I didn’t just quit, I took time out and my mother dressed my wound; after that I went back limping to get on to the same bike that had just torn me throught the white tissue which is safely hidden by the epidermis. I learn’t that nothing is easy and if you want to achieve something, you give it your all. A lesson I know and understand still. How scars tell stories.

Some stories are sad; we have scars that occured at knife point or gun point.Some occured when we were running or fighting for our lives. Some occured at the same time and place where we lost our loved ones. These moments are stamped on to our minds and become imprinted on to our memories. These are not just physical scars; they are accompanied by emotional scaring and psychological scaring. Scars such as these may in some rare 0.0001% case contain a lesson. They are more than 100% without lesson but they change our lives drastically. Even in these instances the human body recovers. The skin tone changes or not. The appearance of the skin may or may not be affected. The skin is restored over time and so are our emotions. We some come out different.  We learn to live life again, we learn to smile and enjoy living again but psychologically, we have changed. We are no longer the same people we were before that moment when the scar occured.  Something about our outlook on life changes. The scar serves as a reminder of what we went through. Some try to avoid a similar circumstance as much as possible. Some start campaigns and organisations related to what they went through. Some become activist. Some come out stronger: some come out weaker. It’s our human nature; something that breaks you physically, emotionally and psychologically is bound to change you in one way or another. Nevertheless; life goes on inour new transformed state. Just as
the skin some times never regains its original form, our pschological state never regains its original form. It is altered forever, positively or negatively; we choose our paths.

As much as we choose between positive and negative, there are choices we never get to make ourselves. These cause serious emotional scars in most cases. When an emotional scar occurs simaltaniously with a physical scar, you are more prone to heal than when an emotional scar occurs without any other accopaying. I am a believer in constructive criticism; some times it may hurt your feelings that not everyone sees what you see but the fact that your psychological state is being challenged and transformed by the criticism makes your hurt feelings worth it. The fact that my 6year old self leart never to come too close to a heater was well worth being angry at the hearter. There is an understanding of the scar hence we can recover and move on.

But there are some scars which I look at and ask “will it ever heal?” and then as though an echo of someone shouting from somewhere within me a response comes “if only it were a regular scar”. A normal scar? A normal scar has an identifiable source. A normal scar is connected to something; an object, an event, a choice, something that you can refer back to and fully understand. If someone reminds you of something hurtful that happened or something you don’t want to remember which you did in the past; that emotional scar has an identifiable source. A scar that has no identifiable source is a dangerous scar that might never heal; even if you choose to respond positively towards it, the pain of what you don’t understand far outweighs that of which you can understand. How many times have you told yourself “It’s because they don’t know me” or have your true friends said “forget what they said, it doesn’t matter”. The truth is that you have been pierced in your emotions not by what has been done but by the “why” of it. Our emotional scars which were cause by the words of others take forever to heal because we keep asking “why?”. Not only is this because we want to know why the other person said something but mainly because it is mostly things that were said behind your back. If someone tells you somehing to your face, you can question them right then and there or later on. If someone says it behind your back; it’s a futile mission to persue answers because the stroy might have changed a thousand times before it reached you. In any case, someone who is too much of a coward to say something to your face will be too much of a coward to admit that they said something behind your back.
So, “will it ever heal?”. “Yes, it will.” It won’t heal overnight because the “why” of it is unavailable for interogation but it will heal. You need to decide for yourself to forgive the unknown. There is no memory atached to it; the is no external scaring attached to it; it didn’t scar you psychologically but it will transform you psychologically. You will eventually walk away from it either a better person or a bitter person. You decide how you respond, although you may not have decided how to react at first. There is however a great lesson embeded in such scaring; a lesson that shapes you and your character far better than it does the other person(s). Forgiveness. A lesson so great and powerful that it alters your pschological sate. Forgiveness; a concept the even the Great Creator demonstrated it’s healing ability and power. This concept is not a magical trick, it is a journey. I look at some scars and say “wow, it healed well. I’m thankful I had to go throught that.” then I look at others and say “it’s coming along nicely” and still there are those I can’t help but ask “will it ever heal?”. The journey of forgiveness can sometimes be longer than we wish it to be, especially sincewe spend so much time wrestling with the “why” part.
One thing I can tell you is that it will heal; be patient, kind, understanding and not too quick to be angry at yourself. It shall heal. It will heal.

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